Graduation & The Gift of Paradox
Graduation & The Gift of Paradox
Melanie VanderPol-Bailey, MSW, CSW-PIP
Rural Roads Counseling and Consultation
Congratulations to all area graduates as you prepare to celebrate an academic ending and a new beginning. This season may feel both exciting and terrifying. You may feel so ready to move on from school, while also feeling completely unprepared. Welcome to the land of the paradox, the spot where two opposites hold truth.
A paradox is defined as a statement or sentiment that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true. Though it may sound confusing, it isn’t something you need to fix, it is an important mental health skill that can assist you in this new season of life. Think of it this way, a paradox is the ability to be emotionally flexible. The ability to hold two seemingly opposite truths at the same time, without forcing one to cancel out the other.
We are often taught to think either/or, so the idea of both/and can feel a bit more complex. Graduation is considered a threshold moment, leaving something known and stepping into new territory. Either/or thinking is fixed, “Either I know my path or I am lost”. Our thinking brains want to solve this tension quickly, and can create pressures that can sound something like, “Pick a path, have it all figured out, you’re the only uncertain one, etc.” Holding the both/and offers a gentler and open approach, which may sound something like, “Of course I feel a bit lost, this is a new road. I can move forward, seeking support along the way. I don’t have to have everything figured out.”
Allowing paradox in our lives creates an internal shift. You stop fighting yourself. You allow thoughts to be what they are, just thoughts. This can open you up to trust and release you from being stuck in judgement. Letting both be true can reduce shame, soften anxiety and build resilience.
This concept is not new. Many faith traditions promote embracing tension and the acceptance of complex, uncomfortable emotions, shining a light on surrender over control, vulnerability over self-reliance, and acceptance over perfectionism. Paradox is found in the Bible, with invitations in verses to find strength in weakness, gain life by losing it, and experience joy in trials.
Real life is lived in the “both/and”. Great joy and great suffering, strength and weakness, peace and uncertainty. Remember as pressures arise in the “what’s next” season of your life, you are still becoming. We all are still becoming and accepting yourself as “a work in progress” a true gift.
So here you are- at the edge of something new. You do not have to have your entire future mapped out, just the next honest and loving step in front of you. You possess the ability to grow,
to adapt and to keep showing up. Sincere congratulations to each of you, not for having it all figured out, but for stepping into a life that does not require you to.
